Feeling of Guilt
by KyaChann
Summary: Chuckling in pure amusement, the bastard asked. "What's the matter ?" He grabbed the girl's face leaning himself closer. He licked the blood from her cheek, his eyes never leaving Kanda's ones. The girl whimpered at the touch, before coughing blood. Nails craved in the hands forbidden the girl to flee. Cuts could be seen everywhere. Kanda x OC


"Yuu~" A voice called. It was a childish call, familiar even, and yet he couldn't remember where he heard it before. The voice came once again. "C'mon you idiot!"

Kanda gritted his teeth slightly annoyed by this.

Che!

Calling him an idiot, as if! The idiot would pay, whoever he was that is.

"YUU! C'MON~" The voice said in what sounded more like a whine.

At this instant, Lavi was the very first name crossing the ponytailed samurai's mind. Who else could it be? The red was the only idiot on top of this world, with this HUGE death wish to keep calling him Yuu over and over again! Kanda looked in every direction, trying to find the red. No luck.

"Che!" He sighed in annoyance. "Where the fuck is he?"

A childish laugh came from behind him. Kanda turned his head almost automatically, but didn't see anyone. Now, this was becoming more and more unnerving, the moment he would lay his eyes on Lavi, he would be so dead. But something was off... Was it really Lavi? If so, why didn't he revealed himself yet? Lavi wasn't the type of hiding, after all that would totally spoil his 'unique' way of having fun. The redhead was well known for making fun of Kanda in front of Kanda himself, and then run to save his life, with the Samurai hot in his heels.

Yeah, something was definitely off. "SHOW YOURSELF!"

The childish laugh was closer, closer, even so the samurai couldn't see anyone. The sound kept coming closer and closer until suddenly a hand touched his shoulder. "Yuu! Moh! How long are you going to stand there! Just hurry up!"

His eyes went wide open at the realization. It… wasn't possible, was it? "Al…ma…?"

The boy grinned. "Of course it's me! Who else would it be!?" The boy laughed softly.

Kanda was speechless, how could this be possible, wasn't Alma dead…? If so, then how could the boy be alive, breathing and smiling right before him?

Waving his hand in front of Kanda's face, Alma pouted. "YUU! YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!"

"Uh?" Was pretty much the only sound coming from Kanda's weakly opened mouth.

Alma grinned once again, and then started to run, right after grabbing Kanda's hand, pulling the samurai with him. For a brief moment Kanda let Alma pulling him. His body felt numb, it just felt like he would fall in a slumber. Alma was alive he really wa-

No.

Kanda stopped, pulling his hand away from the boy. Alma peered at the boy curiously. "What's the matter?"

"Alma… Why are you here?"

"Why wouldn't I be? Eh~ Yuu you're acting funny." The boy laughed. "Are you okay?"

"YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO BE DEAD!" Kanda couldn't handle anymore. He felt his head going crazy, so he ended up shouting, surprising the boy in front of him.

"What are yo-"

"I KILLED YOU!" Kanda proceeded, not allowing the young boy to continue. "TWICE! WHY IN THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE!?"

Alma remained there flabbergasted. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it right after. He was concerned with his best friend, why would Yuu say such awful things?

He walked over to the samurai. "Yuu are you sure yo-" Alma looked down, spotting blood now falling from his abdomen. "What…"

Kanda's eyes widened. In instants Alma was there fine and now his abdomen had a huge cut, exactly where Kanda cut him open when he killed him for the first time. Blood started to run down from Alma's mouth, making Kanda panic.

Not this again.

Kanda ran to Alma, however something made him fall in the ground. He looked behind to his small feet-

Fuck!

Not only Alma was dying in front of him once again, but now Kanda was trapped in his younger body. He punched the ground, trying to get up and run. He fell again. Invisible chains were tying the young boy refraining him from moving.

"ALMA!" He struggled to get free. To run to his friend. To save him this time. He was desperate and yet he couldn't do anything.

"Yuu…" Alma fell in the ground, eyes completely devoid of life.

No… Not this again… Why?

WHY!?

"ALMA!"

"You're so hypocrite…" A bitter voice uttered.

Shortly after slowly losing sight of Alma's body, Kanda lift his head to look at a young boy in the dark. He couldn't see much, only that it was a young boy hiding himself in the shadows.

"First you kill him and now you want to save him?" The boy let out a bitter laugh. "Che, weren't you the one who was always getting annoyed by him?"

Kanda kept staring at the boy. He was somehow familiar, yet Kanda couldn't make up how.

The boy came out of the shadows, reveling himself.

Now, this was ridiculous.

That boy was no other than Kanda himself, when he killed Alma. Kanda started to laugh. That's it. He finally gone insane, no other explanation was possible.

"Ohhh, let's see if you're going to keep laughing." The other Kanda snickered, raising his hand and pointing. "When I'll be done with her"

Following the boy's hand Kanda froze. Asuka was there, coughing blood. Nails craved in the hands forbidden the girl to flee. Cuts could be seen everywhere. He tried to move, having the chains once again stopping him.

Not her…

The other him, now grown up, chuckled in pure amusement. "What's the matter~?" He grabbed the girl's face leaning himself closer. He licked the blood from her cheek, his eyes never leaving Kanda's ones. The girl whimpered at the touch. "She's nothing but a nuisance."

Tears were now falling from her eyes. It hurt her listening this from his mouth, even if it was the other him saying it, it was still him nonetheless. "Stop…" She begged.

The tears alone were enough to make Kanda want to kill his other self, but her whimpers... that crushed him on the inside.

"Che." His other self smashed her head against the wall full force, getting Kanda's attention once again. "Don't you fucking dare to order me around like I'm your fucking puppy!"

Kanda growled, struggling to free himself.

To move.

His ankles were now bleeding from the force he was using, unfortunately to no avail.

Asuka opened her mouth, trembling. "P-plea-" Her voice cracked. "K- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The other Kanda smirked. His eyes were the ones of a maniac, filled with pure amusement and malice. "Ahhh, I'm sorry~" He shrugged. "I wanted to get your heart, too bad I got your shoulder instead!"

The bastard stabbed her shoulder with Mugen.

He was going to die.

Kanda's fingers were now bleeding from his desperate attempts to get free. At this point he was doing everything even crawling, trying to grab the floor. Everything.

Amusing, amusing, THIS WAS COMPLETELY AMUSING. "OI KANDA! WHY ARE YOU FIGHTING SO MUCH!?" His other self bitterly laughed. Stopping abruptly, he glared at Asuka. "Che. Shut up, you're annoying, leave me alone, you're just like the rabbit-"

"Sto…p…" Asuka whimpered.

"Uh? Dare to repeat yourself, I didn't quite listen."

"Sto-" Her eyes widened in pain.

The other Kanda stabbed her in her leg.

It didn't matter how much the red haired girl wanted to scream, she refused to do so, ending up biting her lip instead to prevent any sound to come out.

"I fucking hate you so much." He pulled the sword out of her body. "And yet, you're somehow appealing." He smirked, running his slender fingers down her body. "Isn't she? Yuu?"

"DON'T FUCKING TOU-"

"Or what!?" He snickered. "What are you going to do? Che! Like you can do shit, you're lying there in the ground unable to even move! What can you do!?" The other bastard maniacally laughed. "Wait." He stopped. Looking at Kanda with a dark glare, he proceeded. "Why would you care?"

Kanda glared at his other self with the same intensity. He was furious, rage was running up and down his veins. He just wanted to slay his other self in the most painful and slowly way possible. He looked behind, one leg was already free, only one left to go.

"You're not going to answer are you?" The other asked, making Kanda retrieved his look to him. "Che, maybe this-" The bastard ran his tongue up the girl's neck "-Will make you talk." He attacked her mouth with his.

Asuka cried, struggling to get free, her hands bleeding even more. She pulled her hands the much she could, not minding how much it was hurting at the moment. She had to get free!

She had to!

The nail on her left hand was coming lose, even if only slightly she could feel it budging. The bastard inserted his tongue into her mouth, smirking deviously. Her eyes widened in shock. She just didn't care anymore, she wanted to get free so she pulled her hand full force, ripping a bit of it.

"…" The other Kanda stopped. "And what were you trying to do?" He asked stabbing her arm, against the wall.

A horrid scream came out from Asuka's lungs. Kanda pulled hard, finally getting free. He stood up running to his other self. The other just smirked, taking out his sword from her arm.

"Kanda…" Asuka whispered, just before the other bastard chopped her head off.

Kanda stopped trying to process what just happened.

Her head slowly rolled in the ground, finally touching his foot. He was trembling in shock, he just couldn't believe it. Was this actually happening? Slowly he looked down. He gulped.

The bastard laughed maniacally, falling on his knees.

Kanda kept staring at her head there, right next to his foot.

"Why…" His eyes went wide. "Why did you kill me?…" Asuka said.

* * *

He jumped, waking up from his nightmare. Rough pants were coming out his mouth and sweat running down his body. He sat up looking around, he was in his room and that made him calm down a little bit. Just when he started to relax, images of Asuka's injured body ran over his mind.

He got up, immediately feeling dizzy. Kanda panted and leaned himself against the wall. He felt hot, tired, thirsty, even his eyes were having problems to get focused.

Fuck.

He managed to open his door, almost falling in the ground, he leaned once again against the wall. He needed to see her…

Wobbling down the hall, he finally got to her door. Kanda tried to open it, just to find it locked.

Fuck, he really needed to see her.

Panic started to emerge on his body. He knocked in a very clumsy way, the best his body would allow him to at that moment.

The door opened revealing a very sleepy and unkempt red haired girl, rubbing her eyes. Her messy image made him feel weird inside, happy? Perhaps.

Asuka yawned, looking at him. "Kan-"

He hugged her.

She was there, she was fine! Once he heard her voice he couldn't help himself, but to fall into her, hugging her as hard as he could. He wanted to feel her there, to feel her safe. He didn't need anyone else, just her. They grew up together after what happened with Alma, and ever since he couldn't imagine himself without having her at his side, although sometimes she was such an annoying brat, he didn't care.

He would never admit it out loud, he would never tell her he actually needed her close, that he needed to listen to her voice even when she was trying to annoy the hell out of him, how much he needed to stare at her eyes making her start a stupid stare contest. How he needed to feel her there with him. Alive.

"Kanda…" She placed her forehead on his. "You're burning!" She tried to free herself from his hug. "I need to do something! You're not healing yourself anymore! I-"

He grunted, walking in direction of her bed. When the back of her knees touched the bed she sat down followed by Kanda, who knelt and hugged her waist. "Che… annoying."

Asuka pouted and then sighed, going against this idiot was just useless, even so she wouldn't give up.

"Sing."

She peered at him, seeing that he wouldn't allow her to go anywhere, she gave up. True, she was death worried about him, Kanda never had fever since they know each other, so this was serious, then again he wouldn't let go of her. The male was just stupidly stubborn. Well, she placed her hands on his arms trying to lead him to bed.

Kanda got up shaking, what resulted in him immediately falling on top of the girl. She ignored it and so with his head now resting on top of her chest, she began singing.

_(I set my sail  
fly the wind it will take me  
back to my home, sweet home)_

"_Lie on my back  
clouds are making way for me  
I'm coming home, sweet home__" _

As she sang, she stroked his hair. Asuka always loved his hair. Always soft, just simply beautiful. Then again Kanda himself was drop death gorgeous. She felt the corners of her mouth trembling. How she wanted to giggle, but instead she kept on singing.

"_Build that wall and build it strong cause"_

_(I see your star you left it burning for me)_

"_We'll be there before too long"_

_(Mother, I'm here)_

While listening to her voice, Kanda started to go back in time, remembering the first time he listened to this song. At first he thought it was silly, but the more she sang it, the more he started to like it. Against his will, of course.

"_I dig my hole you build a wall"_

_(Eyes open wide)_

_I dig my hole you build a wall_

_(feel your heart and it's glowing)_

_One day that wall is gonna fall"_

_(I'm welcome home, sweet home)_

Asuka remembered the times she had nightmares. She would always ran to Kanda, abruptly wake him up, or just lay next to his sleeping figure crying. Just standing at his side made her feel safe. And well, it still did.

"_Gon' build that wall up to the sky_

_(I take your hand)_

_Gon' build that wall up to the sky_

_(now you'll never be lonely)_

_One day your bird is gonna fly"_

_(not when I'm home, sweet home)_

Kanda felt weak. His body was burning. He hated it! He didn't remember ever being sick, at all since his body would always do the favor to regenerate and heal itself. But here he was, listening to the girl's lullaby. As he kept enjoying the song, he wasn't able to suppress the amused smirk placed on his lips.

"_Build that wall and build it strong cause_

_(I see your star, you left it burning for me)_

_We'll be there before too long"_

_(Mother, I'm here)_

"You never sing with me…" She pouted, running her hands on his dark blue strings.

He didn't answer, not even his usual 'che'. Peering down, the girl spotted the stubborn guy lost in his sleep. She smiled, falling asleep after covering both carefully to not wake him.

_Lyrics by Darren Korb  
Vocals: Ashley Barrett and Darren Korb_

* * *

**A/N: **Well, I corrected this the best I managed to. I just spent 3 hours rereading this (the same exact time I spent on Sasuke's version... ehhh~) but, of course, it may still have mistakes.

Ahm, copy paste time - Okay, so I was listening to Bastion's End Theme, and so I thought 'Hey... this would make a great oneshot for Sasuke'. And it would! Until Gintoki (Gintama) and Kanda (D. Gray Man) just popped up in my head. So, I somehow (well pretty much because I'm stupid *smiley face*) ended up creating a little 'project' and writing an oneshot for the three of them... Yeah I'm pretty retarded I know.

So this little 'project' of mine is about their fears, therefore the nightmares. And why nightmares? You ask (or not), although we're never free from not fear something, we can always fight our fears and overcome them. What's nice. Really. But unfortunately we can never run away from a nightmare (only when we wake up and sometimes it take lots to do so...). And one thing's for sure: Nightmares are always freaking scary! They're basically a reflex of our fears, concerns, insecurities and mainly the things we try to forget but are stuck in our unconscious.

So basically as much as we can try fighting against it, we can never run away from nightmares. (You know... This looks lazy yeah, but this oneshot is part of the exact same project so why not just copying the beginning I mean... I'm tired after 3 hours, and yeah I damn lazy to think about another explanation.)

Now, the new part - As I did in Sasuke's version, I pretty much tried to put myself in Kanda's shoes, and oh boy this wasn't cheery (Well I'm writing about nightmares... of course it wouldn't be cheery... just... yeah). So after analyzing our beloved Samurai, I decided to give him the feeling of guilt. Why? Well, Kanda killed Alma... His best friend and also the woman he loved before both 'reborn'.

Kanda (although he doesn't show it, focusing more in finding the person he loves) lives with guilt, what's pretty visible at the moment he sees Alma and has to kill him once again (at least I got that feeling while reading it, please correct me if I'm wrong). Now, after killing Alma again he disappears (ohhh...) and comes back again! (yeyyyyy) Because he feels guilty for making Allen turn into the 14th (hmmmmm guiltttttt). His past actually kill me everytime, the guy died twice, came back, killed his best friend twice, found out the woman he loved was his best friend before both died for the first time and then reborn in an artificial body, and he comes back weak as fuck (even an akuma told him he was almost dying) to find Allen because he feels guilty *claps* you deserve these claps Kanda, you sure do. These are the reasons why I used my OC in Kanda's nightmare, he likes the girl, grew up with her (one day I may write their past I dunno) and so he got close to her. Since he's haunted by his guilty feeling, he sees himself slauthering her, pretty much what he did to Alma, but way worst (it's a nightmare after all).

So I ask you to put yourself in his place and imagine yourself killing the person you like. But not just this, no, I had to torture him a little more (although it was killing me to do so), so why not making his other self almost rape the girl? Kanda is conceited, even more than Sasuke, so seeing himself almost raping her, slaying her down and psychologically hurting her, makes Kanda feel 3 things:

1- Possessive: After all it's another guy touching her, not him.

2- Afraid: Of losing her (after all his other self his basically murdering her), what combined with the 1st feel makes him want to protect her and kill the bastard.

3- Guilty: Because although it's another him doing that to her, it's him nonetheless.

Well this end up... being bigger than Sasuke's version... Ahm hope you liked!


End file.
